Here I Go Again On My Own...Chapter Two

Well, I did it. I got divorced. Even though my marriage had been over for almost a year, last Friday I signed the official documents that dissolved the vows and promises we made to each other. I was pretty emotional that day. I cried all the way to the court house. I sent my ex a text telling him it was the last time I could call him my husband and pleaded with him to be the man he wanted. I told him he was better than this, and better than her. I told him to never give up on the dreams he had and that I hoped he found his way again. Blah. Blah. Blah. 30 minutes later he was accusing me of everything under the moon. I apparently leave my kids any and everywhere, go out of town with my friends' husbands (dripping with irony, huh?), as well as bought myself a Tahoe that I never got to drive. Anyway, I gave in on the money so I could get my kids every Christmas morning and sole legal and physical custody. I can move anywhere in the world I wanna move and I have complete control and care of my babies. I got everything I wanted! I even got the stupid TV that he wanted so bad. He told me after the lawyers left that I really hurt him with the TV. Really?!? Dude, are you serious?!?! I hurt you? Then he called me selfish. At this point I was beyond ready to scribble my name on those papers and get out of there. Since then, I haven't cried. I haven't felt anything, but relief and excitement for the future. I have been dealing with this for so long. Friday was like a huge, deadbeat, lowdown, lying, cheating weight had been lifted off my chest.

So on to chapter two!! I'm excited about my new life with my kids. I have some awesome things in store for us as a family. I plan on focusing on being the best mom I can and getting through school. I couldn't help but think about the past year as I was signing those papers. The pain, the disappointment, and especially the progress I have made. I'm not one for complimenting myself...EVER, but I have done a pretty decent job of not going insane and muddling through this train wreck. I kept trying to save my marriage until I was comfortable letting go. Once I realized I didn't want it anymore either, I was able to move forward and start the healing process. I know that I am not 1oo% in the clear. I am sure at some point it will all hit me and it may still be hard at times. But when I look back at where I was 11.5 months ago or even 6 or 7 months ago, I know I will be fine. I made it through those dark and intensely painful months, I can make it through anything this divorce has left for me. I'm ready, bring it on. I got this. I am thrilled to think of the new doors that have been opened to me. Life took me down a road I didn't understand, and I still don't get it completely. One day I will. One of these days I will say "Huh, that's what I've been waiting on." This new chapter will be full of learning experiences, goals being met, and dreams coming true. Of course life wouldn't be complete without some heartache. Like I said though, after what I've been through I have faith that I can make it through anything.

So if you can bare it, stay tuned for the next exciting chapter in the story of a single mom with two amazing kids who keep me on my toes and make life interesting.