They say divorce is worse than death. They say time heals all wounds. They say hindsight is 20/20. They say a lot of things, most I have found to be true. In the Summer of 2010 I was eight months pregnant, happily married, and had it all figured out. Then it all fell apart. I fell apart. They also say life goes on. It does, and it goes on with or without you. So this is me going on, moving on, and keeping on. Picking up the pieces of a broken heart and broken life and finding out how to put them back together.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Busy, Busy, Busy

Somtimes when things are at their craziest, I stop and think how in the world did I get here? I get mad because I know things could be better for all of us if the kids had more than me to depend on. Then in the same moment I think the kids CAN depend on me. They have me and I have them. That is enough to be thankful for and enough to keep me going. Reese may not get her drink as soon as she wants it, and Carson may have to cry while I make his food at night. The important fact remains that they will get what they need, and they will get it from me. When we first get home in the afternoons, both kids need me at the same time. Carson needs to eat. Reese needs a snack and a drink. Reese wants to tell me about her day, and Carson wants me to hold him and play with him. They both need my undivided attention. It is this time everyday that reminds me that he did this. He left us here to fend for ourselves. He broke our home and made things harder for me and my babies. A few months ago, I would cry. I would feel sorry for myself. I would wonder how this could happen. These days, I don't cry. Sometimes, I even laugh. I consider myself lucky. Him not being here, gives me the honor of caring for these children. I get to be the one to provide for them and love them on a daily basis. I am blessed to have this time to be needed, and come through for them. When life happens like a whirlwind it makes me grateful. As far as how I handle the situations, it's kind of a trial and error kind of thing. Now I have juice boxes and snacks that Reese can get herself while I make Carson's food. While I feed him, Reese tells me all about her day and asks the 7,643 questions that she has stored up for me. Once Carson is full and happy we all play in the floor together. It took a little while to get it right, but it runs pretty smoothly now. I've learned to adapt. If something isn't working, we try something else. If I get thrown a curveball, I've figured out how to correct my swing and go with it. Never a dull moment and life just keeps looking up!
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